Single white female seeks devilishly handsome male with long, dark hair and good metabolism for serious relationship / marriage. Tattoo sleeves are a plus.
Must enjoy reading, survival horror, metal, and Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Should be good with kids, have graduated high school, and possess the ability to maintain a steady full-time job. Must also pass a background investigation and be willing to submit to potential drug / STD / IQ testing.
I would mention something about how he ought to view personal hygiene as an end in itself, but I think that would just be pressing my luck.