[My Kid] was home sick today.
TEXT FROM MY MOM: “How is •••• feeling? Is he still running a fever? Did you remember to call the school?”
MY REPLY: “I dumped him off at the ER hours ago and hightailed it the fuck outta there. His complexion was pastier than mine, and he was spewing profanity in about six different languages… along with what looked to be pea soup. I then called the school and — after explaining that we were both converting to Roman Catholicism — arranged for his school records (including the IEP) to be transferred over to St. Timothy’s, which he will be attending once Father Karras says he’s in the clear.”
HER REPLY: “That is nice. Don’t forget to send in a note. Or maybe I should just email his teacher for you.”