How to Radicalize Your Daughter

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Step One:

Tell her about the Patriarchy.


Step Two:

Take her to a protest organized by Islamist feminazi Linda Sarsour,
so she can watch her shero get arrested.


Step Three:

Make video.


Step Four:

Sell T-Shirts.

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Flirtation is Sexual Assault

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[(flirtation ⇒ sexual harassment)] & [({verbal harassment ⇔ verbal assault} ⇒ {nonverbal harassment ⇔ nonverbal assault}) → (flirtation ⇒ sexual assault)] / [you have a degree in gender studies]

∴ flirtation ⇒ sexual assault

🦋How to Be a Bigot🦄

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Have you ever wanted to be a bigot? 🤔

Have you ever thought, “Wish I could add my name to the list of people who’ve been accused of ableism, misogyny, and other popular forms of bigotry, only I’m too gosh-darned indifferent to the affairs of others and have this terribly-fucking-annoying habit of perceiving individual human entities”? 😔

Well, now you can!!!! 😮😃👍

🦋 TELL ME MOAR 🦋

FACEBOOK: Hollywood Underverse

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SCIENTOLOGY: the result of one man’s glimpse into The Threshold during an acid trip.

NECROMONGER FAITH: the result of Xenu leading all of the Hollywood votaries to said Threshold and into the Underverse beyond.

NECROMONGER: a B-list celebrity or movie extra lacking sufficient liquid capital to cover Xenu’s Final Auditing Fee, yet still too heavily invested to Take a Bow and give Kabbalah a decent go.

Allergen-Free Chocolate Brownies

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BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL, I have uncovered the secret to lowfat, gluten-free, nut-free, egg-free, chocolate brownie deliciousness!!!!!!!!!!

STEP ONE:
Procure one box of Betty Crocker Gluten-Free Chocolate Brownie Mix.

STEP TWO:
Heat oven to 325 degrees.

STEP THREE:
Pour into large red-heart-shaped bowl.  Add 1/4 cup of water.  Stir until moistened.

STEP FOUR:
Add 1/2 cup of unsweetened applesauce.  Mix well.

STEP FIVE:
Pour in square non-stick pan.  Spread evenly.

STEP SIX:
Bake approximately 36-41 minutes.

STEP SEVEN:
Remove from oven; allow to cool.

STEP EIGHT:
Cut into quarters for glutton-sized portions at 440 calories apiece.
(NOTE: skip this step if you lack self-restraint.)

STEP NINE:
Binge.

STEP TEN:
Cry.

STEP ELEVEN:
Repeat process.  Try adding a bit of peppermint extract for complexity.

Guide to Responsible Pitbull Ownership

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1. Don’t have children or small dogs.

2. If you’re going to get a second dog, don’t get a second pit bull.

3. You need to have your own home with a yard large enough for the dog to run around in and a fence high enough to contain it. In areas that disallow privacy fences, a pit bull obviously isn’t an option.

4. If you have visitors over, keep the dog locked in a bedroom unless/until your visitors are made to understand the risks involved and agree to have it roam free.

5. No kids allowed over unless the dog is safety secured in a bedroom and cannot escape. PERIOD.

6. Take precautions to make sure the dog doesn’t escape from the house. Secure in the hall bathroom or closet before answering the door. Don’t open the garage door until the door inside is shut.

7. During walks, keep the dog away from other dogs. Use a choke collar, and keep it on a leash appropriate for its weight. Do not let anyone pet your dog.

8. Don’t allow the dog on the couch or the bed. The moment you do, you’re setting yourself up for a future struggle over dominance.

9. Keep the dog locked up at night. No used taking precautions during the day and getting eaten while you sleep.

10. In the unfortunate event that your dog does bite someone, take responsibility. Pay the victim’s medical expenses and put the dog down. Now that it has tasted human flesh, it will inevitably bite again.

I’m not trying to write a textbook here, but a lot of this common-sense crap is just lost on people.