Waves of Feminism

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For the record:

The “1st” wave was the suffragettes.  Not so much an ideology as a movement.

2nd-wave feminism happened around the seventies.  Started off as a movement, but quickly became infiltrated by cultural Marxists.  Would later be used to rationalize much of the third-wave feminist nonsense.

3rd-wave (“radical”) feminism started off with the riot girl scene — female punk rockers with little to no talent or concept of propriety.  It would eventually make its way to the universities to merge with what second-wave feminism had become (Womyn’s Studies) and the growing push for diversity and multiculturalism.

4th-wave feminism is characterized by intersectionality.  (Because multiculturalism wasn’t “diverse” enough.)  This one originated squarely in the universities with the feminist appropriation of LGBT issues and the advent of modern “Gender Studies”.

(“Gender Studies” actually used to refer to the branch of Womyn’s Studies that dealt with male/female relations.  Back when there were still only TWO genders.)

🦋How to Be a Bigot🦄

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Have you ever wanted to be a bigot? 🤔

Have you ever thought, “Wish I could add my name to the list of people who’ve been accused of ableism, misogyny, and other popular forms of bigotry, only I’m too gosh-darned indifferent to the affairs of others and have this terribly-fucking-annoying habit of perceiving individual human entities”? 😔

Well, now you can!!!! 😮😃👍

🦋 TELL ME MOAR 🦋

FACEBOOK: Hollywood Underverse

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SCIENTOLOGY: the result of one man’s glimpse into The Threshold during an acid trip.

NECROMONGER FAITH: the result of Xenu leading all of the Hollywood votaries to said Threshold and into the Underverse beyond.

NECROMONGER: a B-list celebrity or movie extra lacking sufficient liquid capital to cover Xenu’s Final Auditing Fee, yet still too heavily invested to Take a Bow and give Kabbalah a decent go.

Allergen-Free Chocolate Brownies

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BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL, I have uncovered the secret to lowfat, gluten-free, nut-free, egg-free, chocolate brownie deliciousness!!!!!!!!!!

STEP ONE:
Procure one box of Betty Crocker Gluten-Free Chocolate Brownie Mix.

STEP TWO:
Heat oven to 325 degrees.

STEP THREE:
Pour into large red-heart-shaped bowl.  Add 1/4 cup of water.  Stir until moistened.

STEP FOUR:
Add 1/2 cup of unsweetened applesauce.  Mix well.

STEP FIVE:
Pour in square non-stick pan.  Spread evenly.

STEP SIX:
Bake approximately 36-41 minutes.

STEP SEVEN:
Remove from oven; allow to cool.

STEP EIGHT:
Cut into quarters for glutton-sized portions at 440 calories apiece.
(NOTE: skip this step if you lack self-restraint.)

STEP NINE:
Binge.

STEP TEN:
Cry.

STEP ELEVEN:
Repeat process.  Try adding a bit of peppermint extract for complexity.

Guide to Responsible Pitbull Ownership

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1. Don’t have children or small dogs.

2. If you’re going to get a second dog, don’t get a second pit bull.

3. You need to have your own home with a yard large enough for the dog to run around in and a fence high enough to contain it. In areas that disallow privacy fences, a pit bull obviously isn’t an option.

4. If you have visitors over, keep the dog locked in a bedroom unless/until your visitors are made to understand the risks involved and agree to have it roam free.

5. No kids allowed over unless the dog is safety secured in a bedroom and cannot escape. PERIOD.

6. Take precautions to make sure the dog doesn’t escape from the house. Secure in the hall bathroom or closet before answering the door. Don’t open the garage door until the door inside is shut.

7. During walks, keep the dog away from other dogs. Use a choke collar, and keep it on a leash appropriate for its weight. Do not let anyone pet your dog.

8. Don’t allow the dog on the couch or the bed. The moment you do, you’re setting yourself up for a future struggle over dominance.

9. Keep the dog locked up at night. No used taking precautions during the day and getting eaten while you sleep.

10. In the unfortunate event that your dog does bite someone, take responsibility. Pay the victim’s medical expenses and put the dog down. Now that it has tasted human flesh, it will inevitably bite again.

I’m not trying to write a textbook here, but a lot of this common-sense crap is just lost on people.

Specifications for Packing My Child’s Lunch

My son’s grandmother did me the favor packing his lunch the other day.  (In a nutshell, I’m sick.)  All she required of me was his Monsters University lunch bag/box/whatever you want to call it (it’s one of those insulated softies), and I ended up throwing in a box of V8 Fusion.  My mother was doing me a favor, so I wasn’t about to lecture her on the specifications of packing my preschooler’s lunch.

I go all out with my kid’s lunches.  I like to be creative and make things fun.  Bagged lunches can be boring, so I like to include variety.  I also like to zazz things up with fun character or holiday-themed paper products (plate and napkin), colorful zip-lock bags (available at Target), and character-themed tupperware containers.  I’ll periodically rotate in special food themes –– “China food” or “Mexico food,” or even “spooky food,” and on the rare occasions that I throw it a dessert, I’ll find some way to make it literacy based.  (This used to be a major hobby of mine.)

I also make a point of including “love notes” in his lunches.   Even on the day that Grandma packed it for me, I made a point of slipping a little heart-shaped sticky note into his lunch box with an excuse explanation as to why everything looked so dull different.  (Wasn’t it NICE of Grandma to pack your lunch today?)

I’ll scribble down a few sentences worth of well-wishes, interesting facts, useful information, or suggest social prompts.  Some notes will have it all.  And every note contains an integrated “sight word”, which I also make a point of S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G O-U-T. It sounds crazy, but the kid loves it, and his teachers find it adorable.  (There are only six other kids in his classroom, so they can afford to give him a little extra attention.)

So this got me thinking… what if I had left my mother an exacting set of instructions on how to prepare and pack my child’s lunch?  There are plenty of parents out there who obsess over what they feed their kids, and god help you if you accidentally feed them inorganic produce.  Some insist artificial dyes were responsible for their children’s behavior problems; others seek to “cure” their kids of autism Jenny McCarthy style (which evidently involves removing gluten and casein from their diets).  More still have taken it upon themselves to “diagnose” their poor kids with multiple food allergies and intolerances before subjecting them to rigorous dietary restrictions.  I can only imagine the enormity of the written instructions these parents must leave their child care providers, who may not even be able to make the distinction between quinoa and couscous.

Grandma ended up sending the boy in with beans, spaghetti, and the V8 juice I’d given her.  Not quite the lunch I would have packed, but certainly delicious and nutritious enough to keep my child satiated and content.

But if I had left her a list of specifications for packing my kid’s lunch, here’s what it would have looked like:

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