I will be voting for [candidate] because I am tired of American politics being dominated by a #duopoly that has strayed too far from the founding principles of our society.
I will be *enthusiastically* voting for [candidate] because I believe he represents these principles, and that if elected he will remain as accessible to the individual citizens of his district as he has throughout his campaign.
(TRUE FACT: The existence of the incumbent is not a media hoax.)
Make no mistake — [candidate] is not some radical third-party candidate looking to arbitrarily slash government spending and legalize everything short of murder. On the contrary, Mr. [candidate] is out to make our government operate more efficiently so we can all breathe a little easier.
How does he plan to accomplish this? Not with empty rhetoric, but by eliminating wasteful spending and redirecting the Federal Government’s focus to federal issues.
(Please refer to Porter4Us.com, particularly the sections marked ‘Fiscal Policy’ and ‘Government Reform’.)
Which is not to say that [candidate] is without a few radical views. He is, for instance, in favor of Congressional term limits. (Who will speak for our career politicians?!) 😱 Which is not nearly as startling as his belief that the Second Amendment remains in effect and somehow pertains to private gun ownership. (Wait, what??) 😱😱
But perhaps most radical of all is Mr. [candidate]’s position on Donald Trump. Directly from his website (TRIGGER WARNING):
“I will neither blindly support or oppose President Trump… I would stand up to President Trump when appropriate and support him on issues we agree on.” 😱😱😱
I will be voting for [candidate] in the upcoming election and hope you will too — if you aren’t too triggered by his radical views.
Why Men Are Refusing to Work With Women:
When Childhood Meets Feminism:
I’m just going to have my kid start identifying as a girl.
He’ll be safer this way.
Notice to Catholics, Muslims,
Jews, and Hindus:
I have not been visited by representatives of your respective faiths this morning. I think you are being very lazy. 😤
But should you decide to go door to door, I would suggest you wait a while; I do believe a holy war is about to break out in the parking lot.
P.S. — BRING COMICS.
Celebration is a civic duty! Citizens are reminded that deviation from centrally-planned, voluntary associations will NOT be tolerated. Citizens accused by Party members of failing to comply with this state-sanctioned, secular observation in recognition of our class brother Comrade Valentine’s struggle against bourgeois oppression (including those who neglect to meet current enthusiasm quotas prescribed by the Workers’ Committee for Public Celebration) will be swiftly executed along with their families and livestock.
❤️ HAPPY COMRADE VALENTINE’S DAY!!! ❤️
Hercules: The Legendary Journeys really is the best medicine.
Recent sub-clinical studies of the show’s holistic healing properties indicate the presence of strong, anti-pathogenic xen waves that work by realigning the body’s chakrams and can even REVERSE the effects of this alleged “norovirus” in a matter of days! It has now been over 24 hours since •••• last tried to take a bite out of me. There is hope for mankind yet!!