Notice to Catholics, Muslims,
Jews, and Hindus:

I have not been visited by representatives of your respective faiths this morning.  I think you are being very lazy. 😤

But should you decide to go door to door, I would suggest you wait a while; I do believe a holy war is about to break out in the parking lot.


FACEBOOK: Comrade Valentine’s Day



Celebration is a civic duty! Citizens are reminded that deviation from centrally-planned, voluntary associations will NOT be tolerated. Citizens accused by Party members of failing to comply with this state-sanctioned, secular observation in recognition of our class brother Comrade Valentine’s struggle against bourgeois oppression (including those who neglect to meet current enthusiasm quotas prescribed by the Workers’ Committee for Public Celebration) will be swiftly executed along with their families and livestock.


FACEBOOK: Infected Part II


Hercules: The Legendary Journeys really is the best medicine.

Recent sub-clinical studies of the show’s holistic healing properties indicate the presence of strong, anti-pathogenic xen waves that work by realigning the body’s chakrams and can even REVERSE the effects of this alleged “norovirus” in a matter of days! It has now been over 24 hours since •••• last tried to take a bite out of me. There is hope for mankind yet!!

FACEBOOK: Infected Part I


First ••, and now I too have fallen victim to the highly-infectious, genetically-engineered retrovirus that has been spreading like wildfire throughout the •••••••• area. Local medical personnel are evidently being coerced and/or bribed into perpetuating the myth that this is nothing more than a simple norovirus, but there are still a handful of us left who know the truth.

To those of you for whom hope yet remains: TAKE EVERY PRECAUTION! Forget the hand sanitizers — stock up on handguns! Don’t open the door for anyone, not even your own mother! And contrary to what the CDC may claim (as if they could ever know better than USAMRIID anyway), it is NOT enough to simply remove the heads of the infected and/or destroy our brains — you must then burn us down to ash. (According to Readers’ Digest, 4 out of 5 outbreak survivors recommend kerosene over regular-unleaded.)

Farewell, my friends! I fear we have once again entered the world of survival horror. Good luck!



Happy Birthday, Lucy Lawless!

And yesterday was the 18th anniversary of her wedding to the godfather of my imagination, the wisest of The Three Sages Men, the Caesar of Cinematography and Prime Minister of Pulchritudinous Pugnatores(/-ices), Paterfamilias to both Renaissance Pictures and Ghosthouse, Mr. Happy Valley Kid himself, Robert G. Tapert!  (The ‘G’ is for ‘God,’ FYI.)


FACEBOOK: Evil Dead TV Series


The Three Sages are at it again! Evil Dead series for the Stars network has apparently begun filming in NZ (duh) with Tapert’s phenomenally talented and STILL drop-dead gorgeous wife to star alongside The King for the first time in nearly FIFTEEN YEARS! A most legendary (and groovy) pairing indeed.

So strap on those chainsaws, grab your boomsticks, and get ready to hail to the King — and the Warrior Princess too!