FACEBOOK: Leviathan



FACEBOOK: Misused Adverbs


The words ‘randomly’ and ‘literally’ are two of the most grating adverbs in the English language by virtue of how frequently they are misused — even in print.

GET AN EFFING DICTIONARY. Ride a goddamned Alot over to the nearest Barnes & Noble if that’s what it takes, because I *personally guarantee* that the concepts you are struggling to convey will be listed under the respective forms ‘spontaneous’ and ‘figurative’.

FACEBOOK: Women in Refrigerators


If someone wants to view the world through gender goggles then that’s their business, but I imagine it must make for a rather sad and unfulfilling existence.

And instead of criticising violence against women in mature-label comics books (and related media), how about coming out in support of REAL victims (+/- vaginas) of ACTUAL violence?

I guarantee people living under the constant threat of ISIS butchery don’t sit around arguing about the shot that shattered Barbara Gordon’s spine (28 years after the fact) or about The Killing Joke being made into an R-rated feature. And when they hear the term “women in refrigerators” what comes to mind is neither “gender violence” nor Green Lantern comics from the mid nineties, but whether their wives and daughters can be accounted for, and how long it’s been since they’ve seen the neighbors.



When WILL they learn? “Rebooting” a fictional universe for its own sake is a categorically awful idea that inevitably leads to an alienated fan base and (following the initial hype), significant drops in sales. We saw this with New X-Men, JLA, The New 52 (*shudder*) — basically anything Grant Morrisson dips his grubby little fingers into.  (I’m amazed anyone’s still willing to hire the shmuck.)

You want to redefine a title for a new generation?  Leave that to visionaries like Frank Miller, Alan Moore, Dan Jurgens, Jeph Loeb, Garth Ennis, Chris Claremont, William Messner-Loebs… y’know, writers who value the integrity of the story over what’s hip, whose works are as “big” (as Jim Gordon would say) as the charactors they transformed into legend.

FACEBOOK: Medical Crap


Next time I get near a computer, I’ll have to share my most recent experiences with medical specialists, which are kind of hilarious yet also very sad. I swear, this shit never seems to happen to anyone else; I’m talking about stuff like federal prison sentences for illegal distribution of narcotics, lost medical records detailing my ENTIRE cancer treatment, and I’m pretty sure one of them is trying to draw me into some kind of Ponzi scheme, because I can think of no legitimate reason to refer me to multiple others within his field for separate yet NOT unrelated orthopedic complaints.

I wish I were a cyborg. Then all I’d have to worry about would be finding a decent mechanic, which is bound to be less of a crap shot than finding a decent doctor.

FACEBOOK: Smashbox Eyeliner


My verdict on this new Smashbox gel eyeliner: there would have been greater value in setting a $20 bill on fire and then purchasing my usual liquid brand. Hell, SHARPIE glides on easier, makes less mess, and won’t take out your eyelashes when you try to remove it.

Also, while I can certainly understand how waterproof, smudge-free, 36-hour wear make up would come in handy during jungle expeditions and survival horror situations, I think it’s safe to assume that the majority of Smashbox consumers have sufficient access to running water and follow basic hygiene practices.