Facebook: Monotremes

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Anyone who would consider monotremes “primitive” mammals has clearly never suffered the indignities of pregnancy or GERD.  Platypodes in particular have special abilities the rest of us can only dream of — including the ability to commune directly with the Force.

If I ever realize my dream of having a pet platypus, I’m going to call him Obi-Wan.  He’ll reside in ••••’s bathroom and wear little booties around the house until he can be trained to shank only intruders and sworn enemies.

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FACEBOOK: Segway

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It only just now occurred to me how greatly my quality of living would be improved through ownership of a segway.

Preferably one that would drive itself, leaving me free to engage in other leisurely activities.

And it would obviously have to be programmed to sacrifice pedestrians should the safety of its passenger ever become compromised.

I could even get a bell to let people know when I am near. Or better yet, a foghorn.

Song I Did Write

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I wanna taste your cookies
Everybody says they’re nice
Can you come and bake some after PTA tonight?
They tell me they’re soft and warm and easy to chew
I can hardly wait to eat those cookies too

You wanna bake your cookies all the time
To bake them and not share them is a crime
You say your recipe’s clever and so quick
But I think that your batter’s mighty thick

I wanna try your cookies make some for me
Let me taste your cookies, bake them for me
Cool down your cookies, serve them to me
I want to eat your cookies, feed them to me

I wanna bet your cookies ain’t as tasty as mine
I don’t premix the batter or guess the bake time
My cookies are the cutest sweets that you’ve ever seen
Compared to mine your cookies taste so store-bought and lean

I bring my cookies everywhere I go (on nom)
To dance recitals, soccer, tae kwon do
You say your recipe’s clever and so quick
But I think that the batter kind of sticks

Om nom

I wanna try your cookies make some for me
Let me taste your cookies, bake them for me
Cool down your cookies, serve them to me
I want to eat your cookies, feed them to me

I turn into a monster when I’m ready to eat
My mouth is always hungry for a big chunk of sweet
So lay your little cookies right next to mine
Serve them up with milk after dinner time

My cookies are the hippest thing around (om nom)
They’ve always been the talk of the town
You say your recipe’s clever and so quick
But I think that your batter’s mighty thick (om nom, baby!)

I wanna try your cookies make some for me
Let me taste your cookies, bake them for me
Cool down your cookies, serve them to me
I want to eat your cookies, feed them to me

I wanna try your cookies make some for me
Let me taste your cookies, bake them for me
Cool down your cookies, serve them to me
I want to eat your cookies, feed them to me