FACEBOOK: Death Note Movie Remake

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Ugh, there’s going to be a new Death Note movie? As if the Japanese live-action films weren’t awful enough.

I just don’t get this obsession with maniacally adapting stories into every damned medium under the sun. Just wait ’til the Death Note Movie Novelization comes out (graphic or otherwise) as prelude to the launch of the weekly television series (live action or otherwise). And perhaps some truly scary creature will go so far as to novelize the inevitable video game(s) to follow.

Just look at the horror spawned by the Resident Evil movie franchise. (Sacrilage, I tell you!) Look what DC did to Vertigo — pimping her out to the networks like a two-dollar whore. And does anyone else remember those crappy “JP” comics from the 1990s? Topps nearly succeeded in turning those into a Saturday-morning cartoon.

Bottom line: those original stories ought to be treasured for the gems they truly are, let substance and style determine the means of delivery, and if a Death Note movie absolutely must be made, there could be no better Ryuk than Dee Snider.

FACEBOOK: That’s What She Said

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As far as my mom is concerned, all surnames beginning with ‘Mc—’ are but a single name, the pronunciation of which is subject to change on a daily basis.

On The List of Things My Mother Does that Irritate the Hell Out of Me — volume XVI of which is due out next spring — this rates just below horribly mispronouncing someone’s first name and upon being corrected (usually by the individual in question) replying, “Well, that’s just how I say it.”

One of these days I am going to change my name to something out of the Elder Edda and not return her phone calls unless she says it properly.

Maternity Parking

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When I was preggo, parking was an absolute NIGHTMARE — I’m talking up to a twenty-minute walk just to get into the building. They offered special maternity spots exclusively for the third trimester, but unfortunately they never enforced it. People were constantly parking in my spot, which was so unbelievably frustrating because it was a rough pregnancy and I was already on my feet at work for a good 10+ hours per day.

Most of people who parked unauthorized in these spaces WERE in fact pregnant, yet they were so early on that they didn’t even show, and they certainly weren’t having any problems getting around. I managed to confront a few of these assholes, who would generally snap back with, “well, I’m pregnant too” and if SOMEONE ELSE’S maternity spot was still open, they’d suggest that I park there. Only one woman who claimed to be 5 weeks along (wtf?) had the decency to apologize after parking in my spot two days in a row.

Pregnant woman can have trouble getting around some of the time, most of the time, or almost never. These spots SHOULD be reserved, but that doesn’t meaning having a fetus (or an embryo) inside you automatically entitles you to park there. Just have some fucking decency.

Evil Dead

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I refuse to watch the Evil Dead remake.

1) The trailers looked horrible.

2) Dead by Dawn was a “remake” of the first Evil Dead anyway.

3) No Bruce Campbell.

4) Sam Raimi didn’t direct.

5) No Bruce Campbell.

6) No Ted Raimi, because Sam Raimi didn’t direct.

7) No one but Bruce Campbell is worthy of playing Ash.

8) No Ash.

9) I hate horror movies about college kids, unless they involve Bruce Campbell.

10) Why remake perfection?