Alphabet Overhaul

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My hope is that Trump’s legacy will be the overhaul & reorganization of our intelligence agencies.  I think it’s coming (in some form or another) but that he’s waiting for his second term.  Here’s one way to do it:

If I were the bad orange man, my first order of business upon being reelected would be to fire the current DNI and appoint one who is fully on board with getting rid of the DNI — we just wouldn’t go public with that until after he’s been confirmed.

The next step would be to fire Wray and appoint a new FBI director.  Nothing personal — just need somebody fresh.  Preferably someone who hasn’t worked too closely with the FBI in the past.

The new director would assist in step three, which would be to reorganize the FBI.  Their purview is massive — break ’em up.  The agency responsible for investigating federal crimes does NOT belong functioning as an intelligence agency.  Let Homeland worry about domestic terrorism and the CIA handle foreign.

Step four would be the dissolution of the NSA.  Split their functions accordingly between the NRO, the CIA, and Homeland.

Step five?  Gut the CIA.  Specifically the Directorate of Support, which is the most massive of the five and has gradually been taking over by the same intersectional ideology plaguing our universities.  The function of the DOA should be mission support — that is all.

Trump will mostly have to carry this one out via executive order for a number of reasons.  I think the only reason he hasn’t handled it already is that he’s afraid of how it’ll look when he lays off thousands of black women — and no, I’m not being hyperbolic in the least.

After that, I’d deal with the House Democrats.  HPSCI doesn’t have nearly as much oversight as they like to pretend, quite simply because the House Dems have a culture of handling sensitive information carelessly, which allows their staffers to “innocently” leak things to the press and get away with it.

(If caught, they’ll quietly be dismissed, but I’ve heard of a few cases in which they were successfully prosecuted.)

It’s gotten so bad that people will routinely refuse to answer questions from the committee, even after they’ve been (emptily) threatened with contempt.

I’d force the DOJ to expend resources prosecuting even the mildest of leaks — including the congressmen themselves — until they got the fucking message and cleaned up their act.  If there’s going to be a House oversight committee — and I think there ought to be — then it shouldn’t be just for show.

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Women Are Victims and All Men Are Pigs

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Why Men Are Refusing to Work With Women:

When Childhood Meets Feminism:

I’m just going to have my kid start identifying as a girl.

He’ll be safer this way.

FACEBOOK: Upcoming Birthday

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My birthday is coming up, but rather than hopping on the Facebook fundraiser bandwagon, I’d like to do things a little differently.

Instead of asking you to throw pocket change at a charity of my choosing (top candidate = stopabductions.com), I’m asking you to keep your money in your pocket and get up off your ass — unless you’re in a wheelchair — and actually DO something to help make the world a slightly better place.

It doesn’t have to be anything major: treat a friend to lunch, or surprise them with a little gift.  Offer your seat on the Metro to someone who looks tired.  Pick up trash you find along the beach instead of posting a picture of it to Instagram.  Pick up the phone and call an aging relative, just to let them know you care.  Fact check before reposting.

Or if you really want to spend a bit of cash (and aren’t bothered by the fact that kindness is not tax deductible), try offering limited financial assistance to an ACTUAL human being in need — covering the cost of a prescription refill, hearing aid, groceries, etc.  Even if your offer is declined, the spirit of it will not go unappreciated.

FACEBOOK: Elementary Child Excuse Maker

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I have decided to invent the Elementary Child Excuse Maker, a handheld device that will enable a child to choose among a number of practical, pre-recorded responses to any and all forms of adult inquiry.

With selections ranging from the traditional “I didn’t know any better,” to the contemporary “I need more reminders” and the ultra-hip “Maybe YOU need to work on your communication skills” — and boasting such features as Volume Control, Attitude Adjustment, and Nonverbal Effects (gagging noises and the like) — the Elementary Child Excuse Maker is the perfect gift for the sagacious child who is tired of having to repeat himself to those pesky adults in his life.

(To come in rude red and obnoxious orange. INVEST TODAY!)

FACEBOOK: Pokemon II

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LIGHTBULB!

I am going to provide the CIA recordings of my child’s Pokemon orations — in exchange for a generous helping of taxpayer $$$ — to be used in interrogating the world’s most hardened terrorists. Just ten minutes of this shit is enough to make a man’s balls shrivel up and leave him quivering in a state of abject horror, begging for mercy in the form of a transfer to some cozy Jordanian prison.