I R-bot

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Yesterday someone accused me of pushing a socialist agenda because I posted a meme that wasn’t about socialism.

The day before I was a Russian bot because I tend to favor user pics of sentient-looking pastries.

Currently suffering a crisis of identity. Could I be some kind of robot left over from the cold war…?

FACEBOOK: Mattress Cover

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The pillow-topped mattress cover stands among the 21st century’s most nefarious inventions. Sure, it’s machine washable — only then it takes three and a half days’ worth of tumble drying (while you’re stuck reciting the necessary incantations out of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis in properly-accented Kandarian) before it’s ready to go back on.

Also, I’m about 40% certain that ••••’s is made out of human flesh. (It came to us from an old folks’ home, along with my grandmother’s haunted mattress.)