MY KID: “I’m glad I’m not a woman. I don’t want to have to cut off part of my body with scissors.”
ME “What?!* What are you *talking* about?! Where did you hear about cutting off parts of your body with scissors?!”
MY KID: “The umbilical cord. After the baby is born.”
(He thinks it runs navel to navel!) 😆
“My chest hairs are tingling.”
“I’m gonna go find some more red bricks and severed heads and bodies.”
My kid says the damnedest things.
My kid’s taken to calling me “Elastigirl” because: Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.
In regard to my stretchy skin:
“Look on the bright side: People can play with you. I don’t mean play with you like you’re a person. I mean play with you like you’re a thing.”
My kid says the damnedest things. 😐
MY KID: “Be careful if you see a black guy.”
MY KID: “With purple eyes. He teleports. [pause] In Minecraft. He’s the boss.”
Playing LEGO LOTR with my kid.🎮 (Terrible game, by the way.) 👎
My kid runs off to chase a fish, 🐟and I’m stuck climbing to the top of some fucking mountain. 🌋
I get up there, only to find myself under attack by this giant fiery 🔥dude — and my sword ⚔️ is out of ammo. 😧
Meanwhile, my kid’s still chasing after the fish. 🙄
“What the hell am I supposed to do?!” I ask. 😬
“Survive,” he tells me. 😐
My kid gives the damnedest advice. 🤨
“Quit blocking my uncle’s face,”
I told them.