Glad He’s Not a Woman

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MY KID: “I’m glad I’m not a woman.  I don’t want to have to cut off part of my body with scissors.”

ME “What?!*  What are you *talking* about?!  Where did you hear about cutting off parts of your body with scissors?!”

MY KID: “The umbilical cord.  After the baby is born.”

(He thinks it runs navel to navel!) 😆

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Elastigirl

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My kid’s taken to calling me “Elastigirl” because: Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.

In regard to my stretchy skin:

“Look on the bright side: People can play with you.  I don’t mean play with you like you’re a person.  I mean play with you like you’re a thing.”

My kid says the damnedest things. 😐

The Damnedest Advice

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Playing LEGO LOTR with my kid.🎮  (Terrible game, by the way.) 👎

My kid runs off to chase a fish, 🐟and I’m stuck climbing to the top of some fucking mountain. 🌋

I get up there, only to find myself under attack by this giant fiery 🔥dude — and my sword ⚔️ is out of ammo. 😧

Meanwhile, my kid’s still chasing after the fish. 🙄

“What the hell am I supposed to do?!” I ask. 😬

“Survive,” he tells me. 😐

My kid gives the damnedest advice. 🤨