My Kid, the Cannibal

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[My Kid]: “What’s the best part of a person?”

Me: “It depends on the person.”

[My Kid]: “I meant TO EAT.”

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FACEBOOK: Rice or Pasta

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ME: “Would you like rice [with lunch]?”

MY KID: “Yes.”

ME: “•••• — rice? Are you sure?”

MY KID: “Yes!”

ME: “••••, what would you like for lunch?”

MY KID: “Rice!!”

[a few minutes later]:

ME: “••••, lunch is ready!”

MY KID: “Hey… I wanted pasta!”

ME: “You said you wanted RICE.”

MY KID: “But I MEANT pasta!”

 

My Kid Said the Damnedest Things

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(10/26/13):

“Do you like Star Trek?  I wanna watch Star Trek.  I’m gonna go poop first, and then we can watch Star Trek.”


(06/24/2014):

“Where did I come from? Did you build me?”


(11/03/2014):

“Is Christopher Columbus a pirate or something?”


(01/23/2015):

“That’s okay; I’ll just pee in the shower.”


After watching 2001 A Space Odyssey (08/18/15):

“I loved that movie! But why did the aliens turn that guy into a zombie baby at the end?”


(12/17/15):

“People say I look just like you, so that means I’m a Dude Looks Like a Lady!”


(06/18/2016):

“When I grow up, I’m going to be a superhero.  I’m going to call myself THE FLASHER.”


(04/24/17)

“I’m not responsible for my bad behavior because I’m farting.”


On Moby Dick (08/20/17):

“How do you bring a whale to justice?”


(09/29/17):

“Are hippies people?”