DMV

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My Honda Civic creates zero emissions.  Haven’t driven it since November of last year.

And yet I just got an email from the DMV stating that I need to get an emissions inspection by the end of October.

Like, WTF? 😱

Conclusion: The DMV hates both teh environment and the fact that I am not creating my share of emissions, which is why they are forcing me to appoint a surrogate to create emissions on my behalf. 😠

Also, the DMV is extremely ableist — or haven’t you noticed their practice of singling out cripples with that internationally-recognized (and highly inflammatory) symbol of hate?

I’m not about to stoop to making comparisons to Jim Crow or the Third Reich, but…

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FACEBOOK: Nike

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I have decided to boycott Nike.

Now, I don’t actually understand any of the controversy surrounding athletes kneeling during the Pledge.  Granted, I was the kid who refused to say the Pledge on the grounds that the Pledge of Allegiance was for commies, and apart from a few dead Yankees, the only athletes I can actually name appeared in Space Jam.

But I am boycotting Nike nevertheless, because: ableist microaggression.

Some of you may be wondering if I’ve ever even owned a pair of Nikes, because the only shoes you’ve ever seen me in are boots and (long ago) freakishly-high heels.

The answer is yes; I have favored Nike running shoes since I was a wee lad.

I wear them for running.  And only for running.

The reason for my patronage should be fairly obvious to anyone who has ever taken the time to carefully scrutinize my bare feet: I have a narrow heel.  Also mutant toes, according to a certain someone who needn’t be named.**  And Nike running shoes are an excellent choice for anyone with a narrow heel (and mutant toes).

Also, ‘νίκη’ is the Greek word for ‘victory’, which is what turned me on to the brand in the first place. 🏛

I became positively fixated on Nike in high school, following the launch of their Property of No One ad campaign.  I thought it was freakin’ godly to wear shirts that read, “property of no one”, followed by the Nike swoosh.  You can see sixteen-year-old me in one of my Nike shirts here: #########

But I digress.  The point of this post was to announce that I will not be buying any more Nike running shoes to wear when I go running.

Nor will I be running in the Nike running shoes I believe lie buried somewhere in the back of my closet.  But I have no plans to burn them either, because that would require me to leave Indoors.

I ask that you all support my personal vendetta against Nike by refusing — REFUSING, I say — to buy me any Nike running shoes.  Even if it means sacrificing everything.

(Note: It probably won’t cost you anything.)


** [My Best Friend]

🦋How to Be a Bigot🦄

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Have you ever wanted to be a bigot? 🤔

Have you ever thought, “Wish I could add my name to the list of people who’ve been accused of ableism, misogyny, and other popular forms of bigotry, only I’m too gosh-darned indifferent to the affairs of others and have this terribly-fucking-annoying habit of perceiving individual human entities”? 😔

Well, now you can!!!! 😮😃👍

🦋 TELL ME MOAR 🦋