NOVA (AP) – On the afternoon of March 2nd, 2013, G.R.F. King climbed up to where his mother keeps the off-limits action figures and willfully removed one Witchblade Sara Pezzini original issue figure from her display stand. Ms. Pezzini was later found on the floor, missing her right leg. Thankfully, none of the other Moore Action Collectibles were molested, and the limited-edition figures are still in their original packagings.
Mr. King was apprehended a short time later and charged on three separate counts: one count of Unauthorized Climbing, one count Destruction of Mommy’s Property, and one count Assault on a Defenseless Action Figure (as opposed to a Fully-Accessorized Action Figure – there goes the self-defense plea).
While initially offered a deal in hopes that he would assist in recovering the missing leg, Mr. King was unable to do so, and the case is now expected to go to trial. Jury selection is scheduled to begin in a few moments out of a pool of X-Men, Amazons, and F.A.K.K.2s.
No word yet on whether Mr. King prior conviction of Action-Figure Assault – which occurred before his third birthday and left one Raven Darkholm (aka Mystique) a permanent quadriplegic – will be admissible, but Clayburn Moore is expected to be called as an expert witness for the Prosecution. Let’s just hope Mr. King has a good attorney; if convicted, he could be facing some serious Time Out, along with the Suspension of Action Figure Privileges.