Prenatal Puritanism


I was a complete 100% purist about everything I consumed during my pregnancy.  No caffeine, no nicotine, no alcohol (not a drinker, so it wasn’t a problem), no medications (not even tylenol), only pasteurized eggs, organic whenever possible, no sushi, no tuna, no lunchmeats, no feta cheese, no artificial sweeteners/colors/flavorings/whatever — you name it, if there was any hint of a suggestion I should avoid it, I would have dropped it in a heartbeat.

The only thing I refused to surrender was restlessly dying my hair, which some people found hypocritical.  (It’s not like I was “sampling” the stuff, than you very much!) The fact that I was doing all these other things for myself and my fetus seemed to slip completely under the radar.

When my boss’s boss finally asked what I would do if the baby came out with blue hair and skin, I shrugged and replied, “Exploit him over the Internet.  Charge admission.  Why, what would you do?”  (He found this hilarious and let me keep the color.)

While the science on most (if not all) of the above is a little bit shaky, I’m pretty sure that if you’re eating a crappy diet AND regularly consuming caffeine / alcohol / raw eggs / OTC medications during your cigarette breaks, there’s a pretty good chance the baby WILL come out with blue skin (if not the hair).  Fortunately, most woman have sound enough judgement to decide for themselves what lifestyle modifications their pregnancy calls for.  And if they can’t figure it out on their own, that’s what prenatal care is for.

Fired for Reporting a Customer?


Had I been the manager of this establishment and witnessed a woman consuming “drink after drink” while breastfeeding, I would have asked her to leave the restaurant on the grounds that she was upsetting the other customers. (NOT because she was breastfeeding.)  Depending upon the circumstances, I may or may not have alerted police.  But regardless, what bothers me is the assumption that the server — one Jackie Conners — was fired in retaliation for reporting this woman.

How do we know she wasn’t fired for something completely unrelated?  The answer is, we don’t.  The fact that Conners may have none a noble deed does not necessarily mean she was a model employee.  I’m not saying her claim should be discounted, just that it needs to be verified.  This story was reported by a local news source which took the time to question the manager.  They couldn’t have tried to verify her story with an ex-coworker?  Surely, she could have put reporters in contact with someone who could lend some credibility to her claim.  It’s not as if she were fired on the spot; according to the news outlet which originally broke the story, Conners’s employment was not terminated until a number of days later.

 (You’d think the media might have learned a thing or two after the Dayna Morales fiasco.)

FACEBOOK: Attempted Break-In


Well, that was fun.  Two drunk guys tried to break into my house at 4 am… Literally tried to BREAK DOWN THE DOOR after covering the peep-hole, and •• and I end up barracaded in my room with a kitchen knife calling 911.

Cops got here pretty fast though.  They said there were broken bottles and beer splashed everywhere (I didn’t step out to see.)  I am REALLY fucking jumpy right now, and there is NO way I’ll be able to sleep.