FACEBOOK: Cellphone


I’m not one for sexy and sophisticated cell phones with features I’d be hard-pressed to use outside of a Doctor Who scenario, particularly when I can’t even seem to figure out the phone I have, which came free with the plan five years ago and boasts such features as the ever-useful, ultra-low definition camera, one-way Facebook access, speed dial, and annual alarms that sound every 5 minutes over excruciating 24-hour periods on March 15th and August 7th and 25th — and WILL NOT GO AWAY, no matter how many times I attempt to edit the calendar feature.  (I’m also locked out of saving any new events.)

The upside is that the birthdays of Bruce Dickinson and Gene Simmons never go unobserved.  (Happy Birthday, Bruce.)

As for March 15th, all it ever says is ‘D,’ so I don’t know if it was originally set to mark some significant historic event or just by accident.  I’m going to rule out the Death of Caesar, because I’m pretty sure that last automatic download back in ’12 included an upgrade to the modern Gregorian Calendar.  Death of Emmet, perhaps?


FACEBOOK: Iron May’n



••••: “May’n, May’n.”

Me: “What?”

••••: “I want May’n!”

Me: “I don’t understand…”

•••• [getting impatient]: “I want May’n!”

Me: “Maiden?”

•••• [nodding]: “May’n.”

Me: “…Iron Maiden??”

••••: “Iron May’n.  I want Iron May’n.”

My dad freaked out when I told him about •••• requesting “Iron May’n.”  He said Iron Maiden isn’t appropriate music for a boy his age.  I asked what was inappropriate about them.  Not knowing a damn thing about Maiden, he replied, “You can’t understand anything they’re saying.”

I’m sorry, you name for me just ONE Iron Maiden song in which you can’t understand the lyrics!  Bruce Dickinson is like the Frank Sinatra of metal.