FACEBOOK: Response to Idiot

0

Peggy Hitchcox You don’t think pedophilia has ANYTHING to do with sex??

Just to make sure we’re all on the same page here: Merriam-Webster defines pedophilia as “a sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object” and sexual abuse as “the infliction of sexual contact upon a person by forcible compulsion”.

These priests weren’t subjecting those children to patriarchal microaggressions (or whatever terminology they used in your womyn’s studies course); they were forcing sexual contact upon them, if not outright RAPING them.

Now that we’ve cleared that up 🙄 — you honestly don’t think absolute sexual repression could by any means lead to sexual perversion?

FACEBOOK: Birthday Prezzie

0

My kid knew exactly what to get me for my birthday without even having to ask: The Borgias Season 3 and Nine Dragons (a book I’d been missing from the Harry Bosch series).

So the next time YOUR kid hands you some crappy fingerpainted necktie or a lopsided mug with all the functionality of a sieve, remember how MINE knows which of my obsessions keep me awake at night, and is capable of navigating his personal sla– er… I mean his grandmother… through the intricacies of online purchasing.

Cesare Borgia would be proud; he bought HIS daddy the papacy, whereas the younger, less politically-astute Juan made do with fingerpainting St. Fermin in the blood of a dead Moor. (Try wearing THAT with white and gold.)

FACEBOOK: Home Sick

0

[My Kid] was home sick today.

TEXT FROM MY MOM: “How is •••• feeling?  Is he still running a fever?  Did you remember to call the school?”

MY REPLY: “I dumped him off at the ER hours ago and hightailed it the fuck outta there.  His complexion was pastier than mine, and he was spewing profanity in about six different languages… along with what looked to be pea soup.  I then called the school and — after explaining that we were both converting to Roman Catholicism — arranged for his school records (including the IEP) to be transferred over to St. Timothy’s, which he will be attending once Father Karras says he’s in the clear.”

HER REPLY: “That is nice. Don’t forget to send in a note. Or maybe I should just email his teacher for you.”