Jelly Bean Amendment

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I can’t be alone in wanting a Constitutional amendment restricting the sale of jelly beans to persons under the age of twenty-one.

This would allow for the creation of a new regulatory agency — one that would work closely with local law enforcement once the individual states have passed the necessary possession laws.

There’d be, like, grocery-store cops.  And no more late-night candy binges.

Who’s my congresswomanmanperson again?

I Endorse This Endorsement

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I will be voting for [candidate] because I am tired of American politics being dominated by a #duopoly that has strayed too far from the founding principles of our society.

I will be *enthusiastically* voting for [candidate] because I believe he represents these principles, and that if elected he will remain as accessible to the individual citizens of his district as he has throughout his campaign.

(TRUE FACT: The existence of the incumbent is not a media hoax.)

Make no mistake — [candidate] is not some radical third-party candidate looking to arbitrarily slash government spending and legalize everything short of murder.  On the contrary, Mr. [candidate] is out to make our government operate more efficiently so we can all breathe a little easier.

How does he plan to accomplish this?  Not with empty rhetoric, but by eliminating wasteful spending and redirecting the Federal Government’s focus to federal issues.

(Please refer to Porter4Us.com, particularly the sections marked ‘Fiscal Policy’ and ‘Government Reform’.)

Which is not to say that [candidate] is without a few radical views.  He is, for instance, in favor of Congressional term limits.  (Who will speak for our career politicians?!) 😱  Which is not nearly as startling as his belief that the Second Amendment remains in effect and somehow pertains to private gun ownership.  (Wait, what??) 😱😱

But perhaps most radical of all is Mr. [candidate]’s position on Donald Trump. Directly from his website (TRIGGER WARNING):

“I will neither blindly support or oppose President Trump… I would stand up to President Trump when appropriate and support him on issues we agree on.” 😱😱😱

I will be voting for [candidate] in the upcoming election and hope you will too — if you aren’t too triggered by his radical views.

FACEBOOK: What Supporting Kavanaugh Was Really About

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All right, everyone — listen up, because an astonishing number of you don’t seem to understand the overwhelming support behind Brett Kavanaugh, or how the SCOTUS confirmation process even works.

The President can nominate whomever he damn well pleases, and it’s up to the Senate whether or not to confirm.  There isn’t an ideological litmus test, and it doesn’t matter how “mainstream” a nominee is, because the Supreme Court does not exist to represent YOUR interests OR mine.  The only “interests” it represents are those of the United States Constitution.   (Worth noting: Brett Kavanaugh is an utter caricature of Middle America.)

The only relevant concern is whether the nominee is capable of doing the job.

Think he lacks the experience to fill a seat?  Fine.  Think he doesn’t understand the Constitution, or how to properly apply it?  That’s fine too.  Have concerns about the candidate’s ethics, or do you otherwise question whether he can and will remain objective in his rulings?  Then certainly, Senator, you should vote ‘no’.

But please, all of you screaming your heads off about Roe v. Wade — shut the fuck up already.  You don’t actually believe Trump can be pressured into nominating someone who supports abortion; you’re just looking for an excuse to bitch about Trump.

If you had any serious concerns about Kavanaugh’s confirmation, you belonged taking them to your senator — not taking to the streets like savages or whining about it on social media.

(To anyone who contacted their senator’s office and THEN whined: 👍  But I hope they had the good sense to ignore you unless you actually had something constructive to say.)


Secondly:

I’m tired of all the mischaracterizations of Kavanaugh supporters, and of people reframing the issues around irrelevant topics instead of challenging our arguments directly.

This was NEVER about abortion — not for us.  It was never about politics — not for us — and if you think this was a right-wing movement, you’re living in an echo chamber.

Standing With Brett was never about wanting him confirmed.  It was never about the Patriot Act, or about Donald Trump, or the myth of male privilege, and we aren’t the ones seeking to politicize sexual assault.

Standing With Brett boiled down to three things:

(1) Upholding the integrity of the judicial nomination process.

(2) A reaffirmation of due process.

(3) A rejection of the #metoo movement and its underlying feminist ideology.

No matter where any one of us happens to stand politically, THESE were the three things we held in common.

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I ❤️ Lindsey Graham

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I have a confession to make: I have fallen madly in love with Senator Lindsey Graham.

And I am willing to offer the good senator sexual favors in exchange for him going full Spartacus on behalf of doctors who prescribe pain medications — you know, the guys who are being thrown in federal prison for treating pain?

All right, let’s be honest — I’d probably offer it up anyway.