My Honda Civic creates zero emissions. Haven’t driven it since November of last year.
And yet I just got an email from the DMV stating that I need to get an emissions inspection by the end of October.
Like, WTF? 😱
Conclusion: The DMV hates both teh environment and the fact that I am not creating my share of emissions, which is why they are forcing me to appoint a surrogate to create emissions on my behalf. 😠
Also, the DMV is extremely ableist — or haven’t you noticed their practice of singling out cripples with that internationally-recognized (and highly inflammatory) symbol of hate?
I’m not about to stoop to making comparisons to Jim Crow or the Third Reich, but…
Facebook started it.
In honor of Earth Day, which I have been informed (by my despair.com calendar) falls on next Thursday, I have decided to launch a campaign to combat global warming by way of encouraging everyone in America to turn on his/her air conditioning at the same time. The way I see it, this ought to at least cool down *part* of the globe, as it certainly works at cooling down *my* part of the globe, i.e., the interior of my house.
I have my work cut out for me. I just may have to call out sick tomorrow and get started:
Step One: Make some really cool looking graphics to post on message boards.
Step Two: Email Al Gore and ask for his endorsement.
Step Three: Crank up the AC and stop global warming in its tracks!!!!!!!!
On another note, I was thinking that the polar ice caps melting may not necessarily be such a bad thing. In fact, *intentionally* melting them may actually help with my mission of ending global warming by next Thursday. Think about it: when you add ice cubes to a warm (or room temperature) beverage and then chug it right away, the drink doesn’t really have a chance to cool down. It’s not until the ice begins melting that you can savor a refreshing iced beverage. Wouldn’t the same physics apply on a global scale? I think we should give it a shot. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Maybe we’d lose California. Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Maybe we could evacuate Anthony Kiedis before it happened. Maybe he could come live with me…