Pyongyang has accused Malyasian health officials of conspiring with their enemies to promote junk science “wordy of Jenny McCardy,” dismissing claims that VX was used to kill a North Korean citizen bearing a diplomatic passport (who was NOT a blood relative to any North Korean leader, past or present) as “absurd” and “irrogicar.”

“Crearry, dis man died from eating bad sherrfish,” reads an official statement released to the Chinese media Tuesday afternoon. The statement went on to add that the shellfish had most likely been imported into Southeast Asia from America.

The diplomat in question died on February 13th of this year, following an attack at a Malyasian airport terminal in which two women are alleged to have smeared an oily substance on his face that would later be identified as the deadly nerve agent VX. North Korea has adamently denied that VX could have been used in the attack or that the victim was Kim Jong Nam, eldest son of the late Kim Jong Il and brother to the regime’s current benevorent reader