Women in Refrigerators


Horrible dream last night:

Garth Ennis was being persecuted by feminists, because feminists are real.  Unlike the majority of the enemies that populate my dreamscape, which only exist in my imagination and are generally welcome to have a go at me.

Feminists, on the other hand, are not welcome anywhere.

For therapeutic purposes — and as a helpful guide for anyone looking to prioritize — I’ve started compiling a list of women I would like to see in refrigerators:

1. Lena Dunham
2. Kathleen Hanna
3. Emma Watson
4. Gloria Steinem
5. Gail Simone

Naturally, Gloria Steinem appears on this list, outranked by Emma Watson, because Gloria does not require Emma’s ideological rubber stamp of approval.  Gail Simone only ranks fifth, because nobody remembers who the fuck she is anyway.  Numbers 1 & 2 require no further explanation.

But lest I be accused of misogyny (yet again), here is a list of womyn I would like to see score their own monthly titles with DC Comics:

1. Triggered Feminist
2. That racist, pink-haired New York Times editor who could have taught Adolf Hitler a thing or two about intolerance
3. Wil Wheaton, aka “Anne



When WILL they learn? “Rebooting” a fictional universe for its own sake is a categorically awful idea that inevitably leads to an alienated fan base and (following the initial hype), significant drops in sales. We saw this with New X-Men, JLA, The New 52 (*shudder*) — basically anything Grant Morrisson dips his grubby little fingers into.  (I’m amazed anyone’s still willing to hire the shmuck.)

You want to redefine a title for a new generation?  Leave that to visionaries like Frank Miller, Alan Moore, Dan Jurgens, Jeph Loeb, Garth Ennis, Chris Claremont, William Messner-Loebs… y’know, writers who value the integrity of the story over what’s hip, whose works are as “big” (as Jim Gordon would say) as the charactors they transformed into legend.

Preacher / Darkness Crossover


Fifteen years later, I am still waiting on Ennis and Silvestri to team up for a Preacher / Darkness crossover.  I can just see it now: Herr Starr, seeking revenge against Jesse Custer for making his head look like a giant penis, decides the Grail will do better to find itself a new messiah… in one Jackie Estacado.

ESTACADO: “…the hell are you supposed to be, Sonatine’s Kraut cousin?”

DARKLING #1: “Or what’s left of him!”

ESTACADO: “No, fuck this secret-society bullshit.  I’ve got enough of my own problems to worry about without getting dragged into the Second Coming.”

DARKLING #2: “Hey boss, does this guy’s head kinda remind you of something?”

[DARKLING #3 gets ahold of the special “device” contained within Herr Starr’s briefcase.]

DARKLING #3: “Yo, Jackie! Look at me — I’m a unicorn!”