No More Little White Guy

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I just reassigned my child from cis white male to black genderfluid lesbian.  The bat mitzvah is next Wednesday.

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High Fidelity

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All the bitches be like, “NO!”
🙅‍♀️🙅🏻‍♀️🙅🏼‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏾‍♀️🙅🏿‍♀️  💃🕺🏃‍♀️

While all the dudes say yes.
🙍‍♂️🙍🏻‍♂️🙍🏼‍♂️🙍🏽‍♂️🙍🏾‍♂️🙍🏿‍♂️  💃  🤵👰

My Kid Says the Damnedest Things

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(01/03/18):

“Some people think Peppermint Patty is a girl.”


Watching a video about mammals (01/10/18):

“Aaaah, Mommy!  That sheep just POOPED OUT ANOTHER ONE!”


(02/08/18):

“How come everybody wants to mindhack Captain Picard?”


Playing with lego starships (04/06/18):

“Captain, there’s a space-time continuum!”

“Oh, no! Prepare to open fire!”


(06/28/18):

“So how come [relative] is getting a colonoscopy?  He lose his keys or something?”


(08/07/18):

“I don’t think Grandma has any money.  I think she depends on Grandpa.  I think she’s using him to get groceries.”

TRANSLATION: “Grandma never carries cash, and Grandpa went grocery shopping last week because Grandma hurt her foot.”


(08/14/18):

“Don’t you lose your kidneys when you give birth?  Or is it when you get married?”


(08/22/18):

“I’m not just good; I’m frickin’ good.”


(08/22/18):

“They should sell lives at the store.  I’m talking about immortality, not slavery.”


Grandpa goes over a speed bump, instead of around it (08/23/18):

“And he faces it like a man!”


(08/23/18):

“Do you know what I’m gonna get you for your next birthday, Grandma?  A life.”


(09/09/18):

“If I was a prisoner, I’d want to be alone in my bed.”

Bottom-Front-Middle Hole

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Moar front hole.  A friend tagged me in a Facebook thread, because he understands that I am woke.  My reply:

Uhm, excuse me?  The correct terminology is bottom-front-middle hole.  And it is a MEDICALLY-SPECIFIC TERM used in reference to the humyn anatomical constructs of a variety of different genders, according to my vegan feminist lesbian non-binary genderqueer doctor, who is woke enough keep appraised of the latest LGBTQILMNOP-friendly scientific research.

Please re-educate yourself before spreading any more racist hate speech over teh Internetz.  Unless of course you identify as a male.  In which case, you have just committed an act of terminological appropriation, which is in fact a hate crime.

Because if you are not a member of the bottom-front-middle hole community, then bottom-front-middle hole is not for you.

*TRIGGERED*

Of course, there will always be a few people who are clinically incapable of getting the joke:

By this I mean that they are most likely autistic, as well as suffering from a bad case of evangelical Christianity.

Russian Bot

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All this talk about Russian bots
is seriously making me paranoid.

😱😱😱😱😱😱

I don’t know who I am anymore!

I don’t know WHAT I am anymore!

☹️🙁😕😐😮😯

Is ‘Russian’ a gender or a sexuality?

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
💻👩🏻‍💻👩🏻‍💻👩🏻‍💻👩🏻‍💻👩🏻‍💻


That… doesn’t really answer my question.