No More Little White Guy


I just reassigned my child from cis white male to black genderfluid lesbian.  The bat mitzvah is next Wednesday.


High Fidelity


All the bitches be like, “NO!”
🙅‍♀️🙅🏻‍♀️🙅🏼‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏾‍♀️🙅🏿‍♀️  💃🕺🏃‍♀️

While all the dudes say yes.
🙍‍♂️🙍🏻‍♂️🙍🏼‍♂️🙍🏽‍♂️🙍🏾‍♂️🙍🏿‍♂️  💃  🤵👰

My Kid Says the Damnedest Things



“Some people think Peppermint Patty is a girl.”

Watching a video about mammals (01/10/18):

“Aaaah, Mommy!  That sheep just POOPED OUT ANOTHER ONE!”


“How come everybody wants to mindhack Captain Picard?”

Playing with lego starships (04/06/18):

“Captain, there’s a space-time continuum!”

“Oh, no! Prepare to open fire!”


“So how come [relative] is getting a colonoscopy?  He lose his keys or something?”


“I don’t think Grandma has any money.  I think she depends on Grandpa.  I think she’s using him to get groceries.”

TRANSLATION: “Grandma never carries cash, and Grandpa went grocery shopping last week because Grandma hurt her foot.”


“Don’t you lose your kidneys when you give birth?  Or is it when you get married?”


“I’m not just good; I’m frickin’ good.”


“They should sell lives at the store.  I’m talking about immortality, not slavery.”

Grandpa goes over a speed bump, instead of around it (08/23/18):

“And he faces it like a man!”


“Do you know what I’m gonna get you for your next birthday, Grandma?  A life.”


“If I was a prisoner, I’d want to be alone in my bed.”

Bottom-Front-Middle Hole


Moar front hole.  A friend tagged me in a Facebook thread, because he understands that I am woke.  My reply:

Uhm, excuse me?  The correct terminology is bottom-front-middle hole.  And it is a MEDICALLY-SPECIFIC TERM used in reference to the humyn anatomical constructs of a variety of different genders, according to my vegan feminist lesbian non-binary genderqueer doctor, who is woke enough keep appraised of the latest LGBTQILMNOP-friendly scientific research.

Please re-educate yourself before spreading any more racist hate speech over teh Internetz.  Unless of course you identify as a male.  In which case, you have just committed an act of terminological appropriation, which is in fact a hate crime.

Because if you are not a member of the bottom-front-middle hole community, then bottom-front-middle hole is not for you.


Of course, there will always be a few people who are clinically incapable of getting the joke:

By this I mean that they are most likely autistic, as well as suffering from a bad case of evangelical Christianity.

Russian Bot


All this talk about Russian bots
is seriously making me paranoid.


I don’t know who I am anymore!

I don’t know WHAT I am anymore!


Is ‘Russian’ a gender or a sexuality?


That… doesn’t really answer my question.