Allergen-Free Chocolate Brownies

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BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL, I have uncovered the secret to lowfat, gluten-free, nut-free, egg-free, chocolate brownie deliciousness!!!!!!!!!!

STEP ONE:
Procure one box of Betty Crocker Gluten-Free Chocolate Brownie Mix.

STEP TWO:
Heat oven to 325 degrees.

STEP THREE:
Pour into large red-heart-shaped bowl.  Add 1/4 cup of water.  Stir until moistened.

STEP FOUR:
Add 1/2 cup of unsweetened applesauce.  Mix well.

STEP FIVE:
Pour in square non-stick pan.  Spread evenly.

STEP SIX:
Bake approximately 36-41 minutes.

STEP SEVEN:
Remove from oven; allow to cool.

STEP EIGHT:
Cut into quarters for glutton-sized portions at 440 calories apiece.
(NOTE: skip this step if you lack self-restraint.)

STEP NINE:
Binge.

STEP TEN:
Cry.

STEP ELEVEN:
Repeat process.  Try adding a bit of peppermint extract for complexity.

Americans Embracing “Gluten-Free Crap”

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I see no problem if someone wants to cut something out of their diet, but it pisses me off to no end when (A) they get all sanctimonious about it and (B) they fabricate a medical condition to go along with their decision.

That being said, this gluten-free craze is quite convenient, as far as grocery-stores go.  Have you see the gluten-free aisle at Wegman’s? It’s spectacular!  The variety, quality, availability, and price tags of packaged gluten-free foods have improved tremendously over the years.  The gluten-free gimmick has proven itself profitable to both manufactures and distributors, but if people quit diagnosing themselves with celiac disease (or actually bother Googling ‘gluten’ to find out what it is), the hopes and dreams of the 6% will be shattered. :’-(

But the Gluten-Free restaurant gimmick is something else entirely.  Restaurant employees know full well that the majority of people on gluten-free diets do not have a medical reason for it, so no one seems to give a flying fuck about avoiding cross-contamination.  Far worse, you’d be amazed how often a manager will admit that they sneak in “just a little bit” of flour — “for the pan” — or “just a touch of soy-sauce” for flavor.