FACEBOOK: America

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Remember that solemn sense of reverence you felt the first time you sang “America the Beautiful” in your state-mandated music class, only to return to your regular classroom, glance at the state-mandated world map (the one yet depicting the Soviet Union, which according to the teacher was just another name for Russia), and be met with the realization that “From Sea to Shining Sea” entailed the distance between New Jersey (with its open sewage lines and state-mandated, full-service gas stations) and California — which as far as you could tell from recent family vacations was a nothing more than a vast strip-mall of Italian restaurants and tourist traps, where parents conspired with local officials to promote myths such as the existence of Disneyland and Universal Studios in hopes of keeping an entire underclass of disenfranchised children in line for the duration of the trip… Do you remember that feeling?

…I forget where I was going with this one. o_O

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