(1) If it’s not broken, break it so you can fix it.
(2) If it’s already broken, make sure everyone understands that it wasn’t your fault.
(3) Sometimes it can be advantageous to throw yourself under the bus, only make certain that your guilt is so readily apparent, people are forced to conclude you are nothing more than a scapegoat.
(4) If they’re on to you, break something and then throw yourself under the bus. This will make you appear to be both a responsible individual and a victim. And everyone loves a victim.
(5) It is never enough to “right” a wrong. Always make sure to take the credit, even if you didn’t actually have a hand in fixing things, and even if you were the sole instigator of the problem.
(6) If there is a problem, throw a body at it. This gives the impression that you are aware of the problem and that you are working diligently to fix it, when in fact all you are doing is passing the buck on to someone else.
(7) There is no telling how far you will rise when you continually remind people that you are part of a protected minority group.
(8) Get close to your Human Resources Manager. People will be reluctant to cross you if they think you are her friend. It makes no difference whether she wants to be your friend or not – confidentiality policies restrain her from commenting on whether any such personal relationship exists.
(9) The surest way to make yourself look good is to make everyone else around you look worse in comparison.
(10) If you can’t have the last word, at least make sure to get in the loudest.