FACEBOOK: Power Rangers Super Samurai

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I feel like Power Rangers Super Samurai is the sort of “entertainment” Captain Howdy would have imposed upon his “guests,” had he been in the habit of sewing their eyelids OPEN instead of shut.

Now, I try to be supportive of my child’s interests, but what happens when he asks me for a meathook and a pair of nipple clamps? Because between the Super Samurai and these new DinoCharge Rangers, that’s certainly where we’re headed.

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FACEBOOK: Power Rangers Super Samurai II

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MY KID: “I don’t think you would like Power Rangers Dino Charge very much, because you REALLY didn’t like Power Rangers Super Samurai.”

ME [shivering in disgust]: “NOTHING could be worse than Power Rangers Super Samurai.”

MY KID [sounding hopeful]: “Some episodes could be worse than Power Rangers Super Samurai.”

ME: “NOTHING could be worse than Power Rangers Super Samurai.”

MY KID: “Nothing?”

ME: “Nothing.”

MY KID: “Are you sure?”

ME: “NOTHING!”

MY KID: “What about cancer?”

That made me lawlz for about five minutes straight. He is still waiting for my answer

FACEBOOK: Captain Raptor

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I would like to go on record as officially endorsing the children’s book Captain Raptor and the Space Pirates. It’s like Jurassic Park meets Star Trek, with just the right touches of Star Wars and Heavy Metal F.A.K.K.2.  If you are a science fiction geek with children of your own, then this book is for you — and quite possibly for your offspring as well.

Unless they only go in for crap like the Super Samurai Power Rangers, in which case you should go off to the can and read the damned book by yourself.  Just try not to let those hot tears streaming down your cheeks smear the ink as you turn the pages and wonder which of those failed experiments involving time travel or positron emission or love robots was responsible for the damage to your sperm.

And to think your mother assumed you were simply masterbating in there.

Three Talons Up:
) ) )

FACEBOOK: Howard Stern

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It just hit me all of a sudden… •••• is the same age I was when I first discovered the glory of Howard Stern.  Somewhere there are photographs of me wearing sunglasses and a long, curly black wig, my little fist clenching the neck of a rubber chicken. ••••’s grandfather took those pictures to show to people at work.  At the time, I didn’t understand the significance of the rubber chicken.

And to think, last night I was giving the kid a hard time about liking Super Samarai Power Rangers.  I told him that crap is one of the leading causes of brain damage in children under the age of ten.  I don’t think he believed me, though it’s probably the truth.