FACEBOOK: RE2make

0

Mixed feelings about this RE2 remake, which is reportedly in the works once more. On the one hand, the notion of any remake always leaves me feeling queasy (unless it involves Karl Urban), and the PS1 original boasted the most brilliantly-satisfying video game storyline in the entire history of our species (times infinity-plus-one). It would kill me to witness the sanctity of its plot violated for the sake of better graphics and a bit of additional content.

On the other hand, the ’02 GameCube REmake was so freaking delicious, I wanted to have 1000 of its babies. (And still do.) If Capcom thinks they can pull this one off on the level of the GC REmake, I will magnanimously grant them both my permission and my blessing.

On the third hand (which protrudes from my left flank, William-Birkin style), the fact that they plan to recast ALL the voice actors is unsettling. Who can conceive of Claire Redfield sine the vocal croons of Alyson Court? Or — in this day and age — a better LSK than Matt Mercer? Surely the citizens of Raccoon City deserve better.

Advertisements

FACEBOOK: Death Note Movie Remake

0

Ugh, there’s going to be a new Death Note movie? As if the Japanese live-action films weren’t awful enough.

I just don’t get this obsession with maniacally adapting stories into every damned medium under the sun. Just wait ’til the Death Note Movie Novelization comes out (graphic or otherwise) as prelude to the launch of the weekly television series (live action or otherwise). And perhaps some truly scary creature will go so far as to novelize the inevitable video game(s) to follow.

Just look at the horror spawned by the Resident Evil movie franchise. (Sacrilage, I tell you!) Look what DC did to Vertigo — pimping her out to the networks like a two-dollar whore. And does anyone else remember those crappy “JP” comics from the 1990s? Topps nearly succeeded in turning those into a Saturday-morning cartoon.

Bottom line: those original stories ought to be treasured for the gems they truly are, let substance and style determine the means of delivery, and if a Death Note movie absolutely must be made, there could be no better Ryuk than Dee Snider.

FACEBOOK: Queen Christina

0

I would give my left nut (if I had one) to see Eva Green star in a remake of Queen Christina, with Michael Hurst directing.  (Raimi/Tapert’s pal, not the showrunner of Vikings.)

I’m half-convinced the woman is the reincarnation of Greta Garbo anyway, and Hurst’s every-scene-as-a-tableau approach would be the perfect compliment to Eva’s (dazzling!) on-screen presence.

The only person I’d trust to oversee such a project?  Frank Miller.  Something tells me the man is a Garbo fan anyway.

Oh, the world would collapse under the weight of so much awesomeness!

Evil Dead

0

I refuse to watch the Evil Dead remake.

1) The trailers looked horrible.

2) Dead by Dawn was a “remake” of the first Evil Dead anyway.

3) No Bruce Campbell.

4) Sam Raimi didn’t direct.

5) No Bruce Campbell.

6) No Ted Raimi, because Sam Raimi didn’t direct.

7) No one but Bruce Campbell is worthy of playing Ash.

8) No Ash.

9) I hate horror movies about college kids, unless they involve Bruce Campbell.

10) Why remake perfection?