I have a confession to make: I have fallen madly in love with Senator Lindsey Graham.
And I am willing to offer the good senator sexual favors in exchange for him going full Spartacus on behalf of doctors who prescribe pain medications — you know, the guys who are being thrown in federal prison for treating pain?
All right, let’s be honest — I’d probably offer it up anyway.
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a black man. I also wanted to be blind, because: Geordi LaForge.
When I was seven years old, I wanted to be a little boy. I called myself ‘Mark’, and my parents let me get a butch haircut and dress in flannel. (Don’t ask me to explain their reasoning.)
By age eight, I was some kind of genderless alien from the far reaches of our solar system. (Not joke; birthday cake read “Happy Birthday Zoing”.)
By age nine, I had transitioned back to female because I wanted to be a tattooed biker chick named Skull. But the only person who actually called me that was a second grader named T-Bone. (Also not joke.)
I eventually decided I wanted to be an Amazon. I just didn’t want to suffer the company of other females.
So if Cory Booker chooses to identify as Spartacus, Clarence Thomas needs to BACK THE FUCK OFF. 😤