I have a confession to make: I have fallen madly in love with Senator Lindsey Graham.
And I am willing to offer the good senator sexual favors in exchange for him going full Spartacus on behalf of doctors who prescribe pain medications — you know, the guys who are being thrown in federal prison for treating pain?
All right, let’s be honest — I’d probably offer it up anyway.
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a black man. I also wanted to be blind, because: Geordi LaForge.
When I was seven years old, I wanted to be a little boy. I called myself ‘Mark’, and my parents let me get a butch haircut and dress in flannel. (Don’t ask me to explain their reasoning.)
By age eight, I was some kind of genderless alien from the far reaches of our solar system. (Not joke; birthday cake read “Happy Birthday Zoing”.)
By age nine, I had transitioned back to female because I wanted to be a tattooed biker chick named Skull. But the only person who actually called me that was a second grader named T-Bone. (Also not joke.)
I eventually decided I wanted to be an Amazon. I just didn’t want to suffer the company of other females.
So if Cory Booker chooses to identify as Spartacus, Clarence Thomas needs to BACK THE FUCK OFF. 😤
Turns out the documents Booker heroically risked his career to leak were actually cleared the night before.
Either way, it looks like his plan backfired. Even CNN has picked up on the timeline — and on the fact that despite all his grandstanding about “knowingly violating the rules”, Booker hasn’t actually violated any rules.
The Washington Post goes so far as to dismiss his antics as “political melodrama“.
I mean, the guy compared himself to SPARTACUS! 🤣