FACEBOOK: Hour of the Spider

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It was like something out of a nightmare.  Woke up last night to pee, looked in the mirror and ran my hand through my hair, when suddenly there appeared a glossy-black spider approximately the size of my thumbnail, scurrying down my hand.

I shrieked, slapped my hand against my leg and ripped off all my clothes, which are still in a pile just outside the bathroom door.  I then spent the next half-hour obsessively brushing my hair to make sure there weren’t any more spiders in there.  When I finally felt comfortable enough for clothes, I combed through my closet and drawers looking for something light-colored, but there wasn’t a goddamned thing to be found.

Murderous spider (black widow?) yet at large.