Facebook: Monotremes

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Anyone who would consider monotremes “primitive” mammals has clearly never suffered the indignities of pregnancy or GERD.  Platypodes in particular have special abilities the rest of us can only dream of — including the ability to commune directly with the Force.

If I ever realize my dream of having a pet platypus, I’m going to call him Obi-Wan.  He’ll reside in ••••’s bathroom and wear little booties around the house until he can be trained to shank only intruders and sworn enemies.

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FACEBOOK: New Mom Wanted

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We fired my mom today.  She heard the TNG theme and thought it was from Star Wars.

Now accepting resumes from qualified individuals.  Must be armed and dangerous, possess the maternal instincts of Ellen Ripley and the survival skills of Sarah Connor.  Experience operating heavy machinery (loaders, hydraulic presses, galaxy-class starships) a plus.

FACEBOOK: Captain Raptor

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I would like to go on record as officially endorsing the children’s book Captain Raptor and the Space Pirates. It’s like Jurassic Park meets Star Trek, with just the right touches of Star Wars and Heavy Metal F.A.K.K.2.  If you are a science fiction geek with children of your own, then this book is for you — and quite possibly for your offspring as well.

Unless they only go in for crap like the Super Samurai Power Rangers, in which case you should go off to the can and read the damned book by yourself.  Just try not to let those hot tears streaming down your cheeks smear the ink as you turn the pages and wonder which of those failed experiments involving time travel or positron emission or love robots was responsible for the damage to your sperm.

And to think your mother assumed you were simply masterbating in there.

Three Talons Up:
) ) )