The Damnedest Advice


Playing LEGO LOTR with my kid.🎮  (Terrible game, by the way.) 👎

My kid runs off to chase a fish, 🐟and I’m stuck climbing to the top of some fucking mountain. 🌋

I get up there, only to find myself under attack by this giant fiery 🔥dude — and my sword ⚔️ is out of ammo. 😧

Meanwhile, my kid’s still chasing after the fish. 🙄

“What the hell am I supposed to do?!” I ask. 😬

“Survive,” he tells me. 😐

My kid gives the damnedest advice. 🤨



Mixed feelings about this RE2 remake, which is reportedly in the works once more. On the one hand, the notion of any remake always leaves me feeling queasy (unless it involves Karl Urban), and the PS1 original boasted the most brilliantly-satisfying video game storyline in the entire history of our species (times infinity-plus-one). It would kill me to witness the sanctity of its plot violated for the sake of better graphics and a bit of additional content.

On the other hand, the ’02 GameCube REmake was so freaking delicious, I wanted to have 1000 of its babies. (And still do.) If Capcom thinks they can pull this one off on the level of the GC REmake, I will magnanimously grant them both my permission and my blessing.

On the third hand (which protrudes from my left flank, William-Birkin style), the fact that they plan to recast ALL the voice actors is unsettling. Who can conceive of Claire Redfield sine the vocal croons of Alyson Court? Or — in this day and age — a better LSK than Matt Mercer? Surely the citizens of Raccoon City deserve better.

FACEBOOK: Epic Dream


Epic dream last night:

Demonic creatures of mercurial morphology fond of cutting themselves with glass had infiltrated The City. My objective was to track them down and eliminate them, armed only with some type of derringer (which might not even have been loaded), explosive sunglasses (evidently multi-use), and stilletto (literally, stilletto) heels. My only allies were a grappling gun and some big Amazon of a Dredd-style traffic Judge who took a while to realize that The Law had bigger problems than my weaving a stolen hoverbike between lanes.

Think Ada Wong vs. The Ghosts of Mars in Silent Hill, peppered with bits of Judge Dredd and Les Miserables.

The weird part is that these sado-masochistic demons communicated in what I took to be Russian. But I suppose that’s what comes of reading Tom Clancy before bed.

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Single white female seeks devilishly handsome male with long, dark hair and good metabolism for serious relationship / marriage.  Tattoo sleeves are a plus.

Must enjoy reading, survival horror, metal, and Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Should be good with kids, have graduated high school, and possess the ability to maintain a steady full-time job. Must also pass a background investigation and be willing to submit to potential drug / STD / IQ testing.

I would mention something about how he ought to view personal hygiene as an end in itself, but I think that would just be pressing my luck.