Hillbilly Hellcats and Trailer Park Teases

0

If you find yourself attracted to corpulent, heavily-tattooed, trailer-trash teen moms who love to smoke pot, then this blog is for you!  Some of these luscious ladies eschew eyebrows, while others are more hirsute than the average bear.  These cracker vixens are looking to party it up, and they aren’t about to let their kids get in the way!  If you’re in search of a soul mate whose spelling is as liberal as her parenting philosophy — or if you’ve ever wondered what Jabba the Hutt might look like in the Slave Leia costume — then YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF to click on the following link:

~Awful Dating Profiles~
awfuldatingprofiles.blogspot.com

Advertisements

Epic Babycenter Troll

0

BAD BABY, PLEASE HELP!!

Okay, so I know there’s no such thing as a bad baby, but my daughter is six weeks old and a LIVING NIGHTMARE!!  My mom says I was a good baby and never, ever cried, but it seems like all that Baby Electra (her daddy named her) ever does IS cry!

I change her diaper pretty regularly, but it doesn’t make any difference.  I’ve tried holding her more (when I’m around), but that doesn’t help either.  I try feeding her, but she’s hardly ever hungry, and now the doctor says I need to stop giving her milk.  (Have YOU every heard of denying a baby milk?!)  I know childhood obesity is a major problem, but all Electra ever wants to eat is a little peanut butter mixed with honey (which makes it sweeter and easier to swallow), so I’m afraid she’ll end up losing too much weight.  I mean, she isn’t exactly fat right now, and skinny babies are just plain ugly.  At least when she was drinking whole milk, she was getting some calories.

To top it all off, SHE JUST WON’T LISTEN TO ME.  When I tell her to stop crying, she keeps on crying.  I tell her to shut up and eat her macaroni & cheese, and she still keeps on crying.  Her daddy says I should quit letting her drink iced tea because the caffeine is what’s making her fussy, but everyone knows there isn’t that much caffeine in tea.  (I mean, it’s not like I’m giving her coffee.)  And she keeps waking me up at night, too! I’m sixteen years old, and I NEED MY REST!!  It’s not easy being a mom. 😦

I’m tired of Electra acting out, but I don’t know how to get her to stop.  Yelling at her only makes her cry harder, and she doesn’t even seem to realize when I’ve put her in time-out.  I know not to do anything stupid like hit her, cuz that kind of thing just gets you in trouble, and then everyone starts posting videos of you on YouTube and leaving mean and hurtful comments.

Please, please, PLEASE help me come up with ways to discipline my baby!  Her daddy isn’t much help because he doesn’t like babies (don’t judge; he’s a great father to the eight-year-old twins he has with his wife) so I’m pretty much on my own here.  The only contact I have with my mom is over the Internet, and my dad is currently incarcerated and won’t be allowed near children when he’s let out anyway.

I can’t enter Electra into baby pageants until I can get her behavior under control, and I really, really like the glitzy ones.  My friend says they’re due to begin filming a new season of Toddlers & Tiaras soon, which means I have got to take action NOW.

~ Brandi

P.S., Electra isn’t my first, but she is the first one I’ve been allowed to keep.  (CPS is really strict in Florida.)