Woke, Crippled Barbie

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‪These. Are. AWESOME!!!!‬

‪I’m buying the entire set for my son, but only after ze finishes transitioning to a daughter.‬ 😎👌

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A Sword is A Sword

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I grew up playing with all sorts of toy weapons — air rifles, phasers, nerf bows, plastic nunchucks and swords — and I love ’em to death.  But I don’t want my kid playing with toy guns until I’m confident he understand the difference between a real gun and a fake one.

My son and I play with swords instead of guns.  Last count, he had twelve of them.  My rule with these is “it’s not a sword unless it is a sword.”  A sword is a sword; a stick is not a sword.  I don’t want my kid picking up sticks on the playground and whacking his friends with them, and when he gets older I most certainly do not want him picking up other objects — say, a poptart — and declaring it to be a gun. That sort of crap is liable to get my kid expelled and my ass busted on suspicion of being some sort of arms dealer.

G.R.F. King Facing Criminal Charges

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NOVA (AP) – On the afternoon of March 2nd, 2013, G.R.F. King climbed up to where his mother keeps the off-limits action figures and willfully removed one Witchblade Sara Pezzini original issue figure from her display stand.  Ms. Pezzini was later found on the floor, missing her right leg. Thankfully, none of the other Moore Action Collectibles were molested, and the limited-edition figures are still in their original packagings.

Mr. King was apprehended a short time later and charged on three separate counts: one count of Unauthorized Climbing, one count Destruction of Mommy’s Property, and one count Assault on a Defenseless Action Figure (as opposed to a Fully-Accessorized Action Figure – there goes the self-defense plea).

While initially offered a deal in hopes that he would assist in recovering the missing leg, Mr. King was unable to do so, and the case is now expected to go to trial. Jury selection is scheduled to begin in a few moments out of a pool of X-Men, Amazons, and F.A.K.K.2s.

No word yet on whether Mr. King prior conviction of Action-Figure Assault – which occurred before his third birthday and left one Raven Darkholm (aka Mystique) a permanent quadriplegic – will be admissible, but Clayburn Moore is expected to be called as an expert witness for the Prosecution.  Let’s just hope Mr. King has a good attorney; if convicted, he could be facing some serious Time Out, along with the Suspension of Action Figure Privileges.