The Damnedest Advice


Playing LEGO LOTR with my kid.🎮  (Terrible game, by the way.) 👎

My kid runs off to chase a fish, 🐟and I’m stuck climbing to the top of some fucking mountain. 🌋

I get up there, only to find myself under attack by this giant fiery 🔥dude — and my sword ⚔️ is out of ammo. 😧

Meanwhile, my kid’s still chasing after the fish. 🙄

“What the hell am I supposed to do?!” I ask. 😬

“Survive,” he tells me. 😐

My kid gives the damnedest advice. 🤨



I just don’t understand this whole Minecraft craze.  I mean, it has no discernible plot, and the graphics are a throwback to the original Tomb Raider.

It’s 2018, dammit!  There ought to be nude codes and the option for gender reassignment in high definition.

My kid’s taste in video games really sucks. ☹️



Mixed feelings about this RE2 remake, which is reportedly in the works once more. On the one hand, the notion of any remake always leaves me feeling queasy (unless it involves Karl Urban), and the PS1 original boasted the most brilliantly-satisfying video game storyline in the entire history of our species (times infinity-plus-one). It would kill me to witness the sanctity of its plot violated for the sake of better graphics and a bit of additional content.

On the other hand, the ’02 GameCube REmake was so freaking delicious, I wanted to have 1000 of its babies. (And still do.) If Capcom thinks they can pull this one off on the level of the GC REmake, I will magnanimously grant them both my permission and my blessing.

On the third hand (which protrudes from my left flank, William-Birkin style), the fact that they plan to recast ALL the voice actors is unsettling. Who can conceive of Claire Redfield sine the vocal croons of Alyson Court? Or — in this day and age — a better LSK than Matt Mercer? Surely the citizens of Raccoon City deserve better.