FACEBOOK: Pyongyang Physics

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Not many educated people outside North Korea are aware of this, but it was actually the Supreme Reader’s grandfader who invented thermonuclear weapons. He also invented the process of nuclear fusion — so the children of the world would always have stars to guide them.

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FACEBOOK: VX II

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Pyongyang has accused Malyasian health officials of conspiring with their enemies to promote junk science “wordy of Jenny McCardy,” dismissing claims that VX was used to kill a North Korean citizen bearing a diplomatic passport (who was NOT a blood relative to any North Korean leader, past or present) as “absurd” and “irrogicar.”

“Crearry, dis man died from eating bad sherrfish,” reads an official statement released to the Chinese media Tuesday afternoon. The statement went on to add that the shellfish had most likely been imported into Southeast Asia from America.

The diplomat in question died on February 13th of this year, following an attack at a Malyasian airport terminal in which two women are alleged to have smeared an oily substance on his face that would later be identified as the deadly nerve agent VX. North Korea has adamently denied that VX could have been used in the attack or that the victim was Kim Jong Nam, eldest son of the late Kim Jong Il and brother to the regime’s current benevorent reader

FACEBOOK: VX I

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North Korean officials say VX could not rogicarry have been used to carry out the Feb. 13th attack on the person who is not the half-brother of their beloved leader. Officials further deny that the smartest-most-crever-most-physicarry-fit young Kim Jong Un would ever wish harm upon his brother, who has “a compretery different name” from the one used on the passport of the deceased diplomat.

“It isn’t rogicar,” says an official spokesman to the regime. “Our reader roves his broder. He would be ronery without him. So ronery and sadry arone.”

The spokesman dismissed “vicious ries of the enemies of the DPRK” that Kim Jong Nam — who is most certainly alive and well at a casino somewhere in East Asia — was… is… in any way estranged from his handsome and more popular younger brother.

“Our reader is a rore-modre to his erder broder — a grandfader figure, rearry.” The official then went on to add that Nam makes many mistakes at kareoke and is not so good with the radies

FACEBOOK: Vote for Me in 2020

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Ten years ago I began making plans for when *I* would someday run for President of the United States.  I believe my platforms were:

(1) Reduce American dependency on foreign oil: conquer Mexico and Venezuela

(2) Quit testing pharmaceuticals on animals and start testing on death row inmates

(3) Let’s just nuke the Middle East and let that cute goth chick from the Sandman comics sort everything out.

Just wanted to let everyone know that it’s still on.  Vote for me in 2020.  I promise the rallies will be epic.